Eastwylde: Dramatis Personae

For ease of reference, here is a list of the PCs and their players (with names cleverly changed) who have participated in Eastwylde so far.  Alignments are listed solely for purposes of future hilarity.

Active 
Ivan "The Righteous" Theodore Cruz - Male Human Paladin lvl 4. Lawful Good.  Played by James. 
Cromwell Starfall - Male Human Bloodrager lvl 4. Chaotic Good.  Played by John, sometimes an irregular attendee.
Luna  - Female Half-Elf Druid lvl 4.  Chaotic Good.  Played by Matthew.
Swanhild Ikea - Female Human Slayer lvl 4.  Chaotic Neutral.  Played by Simon, who is an irregular attendee.
Don Guzman Pablo of the Order of the Sword of St. Jesus -  Male Human Cavalier [Gendarme] lvl 4.  Lawful Evil.  Played by Peter. 

K.I.A/Inactive/"Benched"
Dr. Juan G. Pablo Iglecias  - Male Human Witch lvl 3.  True Neutral(?)  Played by Peter.  Retired from active adventuring, may become a cohort in the future.
El Lithier - Male Human Bard/Gunslinger [Mysterious Stranger] lvl 2.  Chaotic Neutral(?)  Played by Andrew, who has left the campaign.
Eileen "The Stew Queen" Thunderjib - Octogenarian Female Human Alchemist lvl 4.  Chaotic Good.  Played by Jude, who has left the campaign.
Skull King Burzum -  Male Orc Witch [Scarred Witchdocter] lvl 1.  Chaotic Evil.  Played by Peter.  Only PC fatality so far.  He absolutely deserved it.

-------Backstories--------- [By Order of PC Appearance]
Skull King Burzum:  Orc of the Northern Tribes.  Likes to walk around in nothing but a breach-cloth, tons of ritual scars and a wooden mask.  Starting equipment includes a pot of moonshine.  Let's be real clear, Pete is one of those players who's gonna shit-test you and in Session 1 he did not disappoint.
Ivan The Righteous:  Paladin born into a genteel family, but not wealthy enough to be dubbed a knight.  He looks like a college-aged Ted Cruz: like the real United States senator who actually exists.  In Jim's words, "he's literally just Ted Cruz," and "he wears a cape, not a cloak."  As someone who disagrees with basically everything Sen. Cruz stands for I would be personally embarrassed to acquaint him with my friend's portrayal IRL.  I believe Jim didn't have an idea of what his Paladin looked like initially and went with something that rhymed with "Ivan Ooze," and the Sen. Cruz connection was suggested by Pete, of course.
Eileen The Stew Queen: Locally famous in some incredibly remote village as maker of the finest and most filling stews.  There is no bird, beast or blade of grass she can't utilize in her prizewinning concoctions.  Waited an awfully long time to go a-wandering, but remarkably spry.  This is because Jude scoffed and bitched the second I brought up "aging penalties" and I wasn't interested in fighting that battle, so Eileen is incredibly spry. 
Luna:  Part of an Order of Druids who are searching for something called "the Yggdrasil Seed," and who dispatched Luna to the East chasing an ancient(?) prophecy(?) that the seed had "fallen" there long ago.  I have no notion how much of this story Matt had in mind back in session 1; he plays it close to the vest.  Her animal companion is Fang, the faithful (and long-suffering) wolf. 
Dr. Pablo: Arrived from the desert country of Arroede with two jugs of mezcal and a sack of THIS AMAZING NEW MEDICINE known as cannabis, plus seeds.  His familiar is Guzman, a wily owl who lives in Pablo's hat.  His degree is legitimate, but it is for animal medicine.  Doesn't let this stop him from inventing new credentials at will. 
Cromwell: Born to the Starfall family of Sorcerers, a tiny clan of inbred, backwoods tyrants who happened to have a dragon(?) somewhere in their lineage.  Was banished by his cruel father for being the result of a tryst between "Lady" Starfall and a local blacksmith.   John waited a long time to share any of this, including that incredible last name, so I have no idea how much was thought up when Cromwell first showed up in session 4.
El Lithier:  A portly troubadour of middle age, expert at crafting guitars and guns and often combines the two.  Also fights with a whip.... poorly.  Lost his lady love to a cruel bandido and now only sings his canciones.... for those he kills.  Tragically Andy is sort of  an anorak for Pathfinder's incredibly dumb crafting system which I threw out at once.
Don Guzman:  Pablo's cousin, cavalier dubbed into a corrupt military order of Arroede who defend the trade lanes of narcotraficantes and you know what I'm seriously not going to go into this, he's a bad guy let's leave it at that.  Pete kind of has a thing for narcocorridos can you tell.   Rides a giant "war-bull" named Ferdinand. 
Swanhild: Only character who has lived for any length of time in the Shield Baronies, has been a trapper for several years.  The bad kind of Chaotic Neutral.